We're Going To Canadia!
by Stephanie18
Summary: Zack gets drunk and gets handcuffed to Max. *giggles* SO many possibilities!!


We're Going To Canadia!  
  
  
I had this idea in my head for a little while now and decided to use it. Only, in my head, it was slightly different, but that's okay. This turned out fine.  
Disclaimer: Mr. Help The Boat Is Sinking and his pal own them. I don't own anything.  
  
  
Zack just finished the second bottle of wine. He had been upset about something two hours ago, but now he just couldn't remember what it was. All he could concentrate on was the fire. He was practically in a trance. The only thing that pulled him out of it was him slumping over and hitting the floor.  
  
"Ouchies." He slurred. He looked at the handcuffs he had on his wrist. he had the right cuff on his right wrist, but the left cuff was free. "I've gots me an idears." He said aloud and pulled out his cellphone.  
  
  
*****  
  
  
"It isn't possible." Max told him. "There is no way you could shove that in there."  
  
"I can shove it in there." Logan told her. "It may be a tight squeeze, but I know I can shove it in there."  
  
"Prove it." Max dared.  
  
Logan picked up the hot pepper and shoved it inside the potato.  
  
"Okay, so we can't eat those now." Max shrugged. "But it's nice to know that it's possible."  
  
"Well it's only possible if you cut the potato the right way." Logan said and smiled.  
  
"That's cheating. Cutting the potato defeats the whole purpose." Max said. Max's beeper went off. "We'll have to have this arguement later. I've got to call Zack."  
  
"Oh goody goody gumdrops." Logan said sarcastically.  
  
  
*****  
  
  
Half an hour later, Max found herself outside of Logan's uncle's cabin. She leant her baby againt the building, grumbled something, and went inside.  
  
"Zack?" Max called out. "Zack...where are you?"  
  
"Ha ha!" Zack called out and jumped from behind the door. He fastened the cuff around her wrist and beamed proudly. "I got you!"  
  
"Oh, that is really funny." Max said looking at her cuffed wrist. "Now let me go."  
  
"Nope." Zack half whispered.  
  
"Excuse me?" Max asked. He had to be kidding.  
  
"Mixie, I'm not letting you go." Zack stated.  
  
"And why not?" Max inquired.  
  
"We're going to Canadia!" Zack said loudly.  
  
"Canadia? Don't you mean Canada?" Max asked.  
  
"Canada? That's silly. We're going to Canadia to escape Flydecker!" Zack told her.  
  
"Zack...have you been drinking?" Max asked. She had just got a wiff off his breath and already knew.  
  
"I made of had a few." Zack said. "But I'm totally not drunk."  
  
"Of course you're not." Max said sarcastically. She looked over and saw the two empty wine bottles. "Did you drink both those yourself?"  
  
"Well, I was upset about something...for the life of me, I can't remember what it was for some reason. Ooh, reason. Aren't they Pre-Pulse chocolate candies? I've had them...they good." Zack rambled.  
  
"Focus, man, focus." Max told him.  
  
"Oh right. Well, damn my DNA, I couldn't get the tingly feeling in my toes so I drank another bottle and whoosh! I got the tingles." Zack explained.  
  
"Okay then. Why don't you just sleep this off then." Max suggested.  
  
"Oh no, no, no, no, no. We have to get to Canadia right away. Flydecker is coming...I know he is." Zack said. "Come on Mixie, to Canadia!"  
  
Zack threw Max over his shoulder and walked out of the cabin singing old showtunes.  
  
"Put me down! Zack! Put me down now!" Max commanded.  
  
"No." Zack said. "You'll run away and then we'll never get to Canadia."  
  
"I said put me down!" Max screamed.  
  
"Ow. Loud noise." Zack said and put Max down then put his hands over his temples.  
  
"Give me the key to the handcuffs." Max ordered.  
  
"Key? What key? I don't know nothin' about any stinking key, Buffy." Zack rambled.  
  
"Buffy?" Max asked confused.  
  
"It was on a Pre-Pulse show." Zack explained. "She knew about a key and Flory wanted the key..." Zack went into a full explanation of Buffy, Flory, and the key. Max had enough and slapped him.  
  
"Snap out of it!" Max said to him.  
  
"Snap out of what?" Zack asked. "Ah, who cares? We're off to Canadia, to see the wonderful wizard of odd. Sing with me Dorothy!"  
  
Max sighed and rolled her eyes. "Too much Pre-Pulse TV."  
  
"Shhhhhh. Dorothy, do you hear that? It hears like the fin man." Zack said and bent low so he could hear.  
  
"I could be eating a good meal right now, but no. I'm here talking to a crazy drunk." Max said to herself, annoyed.  
  
"Mixie, here's the plan." Zack said. "We get on your baby and we ride to Canadia. We've got to watch out for Flydecker and any bellicopters."  
  
"When are you going to just pass out so I can go back home?" Max asked.  
  
"Oh and if we don't make it, tell Fogan that I wuv him." Zack said.  
  
"Wow. You are really plastered aren't you?" Max asked.  
  
"To Canadia!" Zack yelled and grabbed Max's baby.  
  
"Put that down." Max ordered.  
  
"Okay." Zack said. He got a goofy grin on his face then let go of the bike. It toppled to the ground.  
  
"No!" Max screamed and rushed to the bike's side. "Are you okay? Did the drunk hurt you?"  
  
"Oookay. And you say that I'm smished." Zack said.  
  
"It's smashed...and I just happen to care a lot for this b-you know what? Screw this. Just give me the key to the handcuffs and I'll be off." Max said.  
  
"I already told you." Zack whined. "Buffy has the key."  
  
Max rolled her eyes. "Zack, I can't ride off if I'm handcuffed to you. I need the key so I can drive away."  
  
"No, you no drive bye-bye cause then you no go to Canadia." Zack said.  
  
Max suddenly got an idea. "Hey Zack."  
  
"Yeah Mix?" Zack asked.  
  
"How about we get on my bike and I drive us to Canadia?" Max asked with mock excitement.  
  
"Okay. It's off to Canadia and we'll finally get rid of Flydecker and Manicure." Zack said as serious as possible, then he erupted into giggles.  
  
"Just get on the bike." Max said and rolled her eyes.  
  
After fifteen minutes of getting Zack to balance right, Max finally got him ready to go.  
  
"Ready?" Max asked.  
  
"I don't feel so good Mixie." Zack said.  
  
"Oh crud." Max muttered and looked forward. She really didn't need to see Zack be sick.  
  
"I'm good now." Zack said. "Hey, I didn't know I ate that."  
  
"Oh God." Max said disgusted and started the bike.  
  
"We're going to Canadia!" Zack yelled as Max drove off.  
  
  
*****  
  
  
Max only had to stop twice, which was a good number. Max drew the line at four before she would've just drug him along on the side of the bike.  
  
Once they reached Foggle Towers, Max was ready to weep for joy. Surely Logan, er, Fogan would be able to help with the drunk Zack.  
  
Max swung off the bike and waited for Zack. He was staring at himself in the rearview mirror.  
  
"Come on Zack." Max said losing her patience.  
  
"Shhhhh. This guy wants a fight, I'll give him a fight...a staring fight." Zack said.  
  
Max sighed and got an idea. "Look out Zack! He's Flydecker!"  
  
Zack reacted instantly. Instead of what Max had planned, Zack tucked and rolled on the ground, dragging Max behind him.  
  
Max groaned as she sat up. She put her free hand on her head and looked at Zack. He was sleeping soundly on the ground.  
  
"Figures." Max mumbled as she stood. She grabbed Zack and with a little difficulty, threw him over her shoulder.  
  
"Oh God." Max said as Zack's weight almost brought her down. "What have you been eating?"  
  
Max made it to the elevator and dropped Zack down. He slumped down and still slept comfortably. Max cursed him and pressed the button.  
  
When they reached the floor, Max didn't even attempt to carry Zack again, she just grabbed his arms and drug him to Logan's door.  
  
Panting, she knocked lightly.  
  
"What the-?" Logan asked and looked down at Zack.  
  
"Very long story." Max told him. Logan helped her bring him inside and they placed him on the couch.  
  
"Have fun?" Logan asked.  
  
"You can ask Drunkie McGee over here when he wakes up." Max said.  
  
"Some coffee? Tea? Wine? Anything?" Logan asked.  
  
"Anything non-alcoholic." Max answered.  
  
Logan smiled and went into the kitchen.  
  
Zack started mumbling in his sleep.  
  
"I, Senior Toto, declare Canadia for all of those in favor of being good little moldiers." Zack mumbled.  
  
"Even when he's drunk and sleeping he's only got one goal." Max muttered.  
  
"Here ya go." Logan said and handed Max a cup of tea.  
  
"Thanks." Max said. She took a sip then said, "Can I pour it on his head?"  
  
"Only if I get to do it first." Logan smiled.  
  
"Oh please." Zack mumbled.  
  
"Even in rest..." Logan said letting his voice trail.  
  
  
*****  
  
  
Zack opened his eyes and closed them abruptly. The light was way too bright.  
  
He opened them again and saw he was in Logan's penthouse. Max was asleep in a chair next to the couch, but he couldn't see Logan. He noticed the handcuffs and tried to probe his memory, but all that came up for some reason was a vision of fire.  
  
"It's nice to see you awake Toto." Max said.  
  
Zack looked at her and remembered parts of what happened.  
  
"You heard that?" Zack asked.  
  
"Fogan heard it too." Max said with a smile. "But I'm leaving it up to you to express your wuv."  
  
"Ha ha." Zack said. "I wasn't thinking clearly."  
  
"Ya think?" Max asked sarcastically.  
  
"Well, well. Look who's awake." Logan said as he joined them.  
  
"I suppose you just loved this right?" Zack asked.  
  
"You unconscious on my couch?" Logan asked. "Ha!" He laughed a little then went into the kitchen.  
  
"Would you mind?" Max asked and held up her wrist.  
  
"Oh sorry." Zack said and rummaged in his pocket. He pulled out a small key and took off the cuffs.  
  
"What were you doing with those anyway?" Max asked rubbing her wrist.  
  
"That is a very long story for another time." Zack told her.  
  
"Well, okay then." Max said. "Let's go see what Fogan has for breakfast...then after that, you can go see the wizard of odd."  
  
"You'll never let me live this down, will you?" Zack asked her as they walked for the kitchen.  
  
"No." Max answered. "And I told Fogan everything too. You're in for some real torture."  
  
"Well, if it isn't Toto of Canadia come to join us in the land of the sober!" Logan said cheerfully as Zack entered the kitchen.  
  
Yes, Max and Logan would have a very nice time with this. And no, Zack would never see the end of it.  
  
THE END 


End file.
